The Fear of Failure Is Fake

The fear of failure doesn’t exist — The fear of embarrassment, and its emotion, shame, thwart success — We must conquer the fear of embarrassment to live our lives fully.

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THE FEAR OF FAILURE IS FAKE

Alone in a safe environment we can attempt anything. There is no fear of failure as there is no judgement. We are not afraid to fail, we are afraid to be embarrassed by our failures.

Embarrassment manifests as shame. Shame is a “contagious and dangerous emotion” that “informs us of an internal state of inadequacy, unworthiness, dishonor, or regret.” (Psychology Today)

Feelings of shame lead us to attack ourselves and destroy our mindset. Ultimately, feelings of shame prevent us from trying.

We All Learn The Fear of Embarrassment

My young daughters, prior to attending school, were free. They felt no shame while singing and dancing, learning new skills, or running around the house clucking like chickens.

Then they went to school. At some age we naturally have a desire to fit in socially. My children can now be ashamed of being too tall, too short, too smart, too slow, too loud, too quiet. We are all infected by the fear of embarrassment at a young age (or maybe it’s my fault and I should be ashamed of my parenting skills).

The Fear of Embarrassment Stops Us From Trying

In private, we can practice our singing voices, try a new yoga move, or deliver an inspiring presentation. In public, we hesitate to expose ourselves to failure in front of others.

In our heads, it’s easy to believe we have the right ideas; if we were in charge, we’d surely do things differently than our bosses. Until we get the promotion and realize the status quo protects us from any embarrassing mistakes.

In our personal investment accounts, it is easy to be a contrarian and buy unloved stocks; we can invest, watch a stock decline, admit our mistake and sell. But for investment managers with returns that will be judged, contrarian views expose us to the possibility of embarrassing and shameful performance.

Conquer The Fear of Embarrassment

As we mature, finding the courage to be different, taking risks, and surviving our own feelings of shame is the path to success.

Through practice we can discover that the fear of embarrassment lives in our heads, not the heads of others. Let’s be honest – very few people actually care about what we do.

By being aware of feelings of shame and embarrassment we are alerted to times when we may fail, by being prevented from trying. These are the fears we need to face head on, to conquer on our way to success.